I was recently critiqued on social media for my use of the hashtag #strongnotskinny because this person believed it unfair for me to use because, according to them, I am "skinny". And though this interaction did not leave me feeling at all angry, it did leave me thinking about the empowerment that is available within things as simple as hashtags. I therefore decided to go into a rather personal story here. My hope is that it may help others to take ownership of their own accomplishments and identities no matter what others may say.
"It did leave me thinking about the empowerment that is available within things as simple as hashtags."
In junior high school I faced with a series of events that ultimately led me to feel quite powerless. In a desperate attempt to hold onto the reins of my life, I exercised authority over one of the pieces of my life I could control: my food intake. And thus, I became anorexic. I quite easily slipped into this - giving away the lunches my mom sent to school with me; eating the smallest portions I could get away with at dinner so my family didn't suspect anything; working out intensely every day (I was in sports year round but would do anywhere between 500 and 1000 crunch variations a day, too, alongside other physical activity). I have a stark memory of dressing down after a volleyball game, looking in the mirror to see my skin sunk between my ribs, and thinking with pride: "I did this."
I am grateful that this was, for me, a phase I was capable of breaking out of on my own. I wanted to hit harder in volleyball and feel less winded running long distances, and I realized that this diet was not helping me, so I sought to break it. Although I became anorexic in 8th grade and tried to end it after about 8 months, it was not until my first year of college that I ate a full dish at a restaraunt and did not have to ask for a leftover box -- a memory I still clearly remember because I felt such pride and excitement about it. My body had adjusted to such small (if existant at all) meals and needed serious time to recover, and with every step (starting to reintegrate small lunches into my day; pushing myself to slow down on working out; etc) I realized that control could look like this, too, and that the trend of "skinny is pretty" was not going to influence my personal goals.
"Although I became anorexic in 8th grade and tried to end it after about 8 months, it was not until my first year of college that I ate a full dish at a restaraunt and did not have to ask for a leftover box."
As I began posting my physical life onto social platforms like Instagram, I discovered the power within a hashtag like #strongnotskinny as I could see other posts with this tag that affirmed my own decision to pursue physical health over physical appearance; I became inspired by these people/posts and found that I gained confidence myself when I subscribed as a member of that group via the simple addition of that tag to any of my posts. --> Each time I type that tag it is a little moment of self love as I acknowledge the hard work and commitment that it has taken to get me where I am now. This silly hashtag became a sort of mantra for me - reminding me of my capabilities; reminding me to appreciate how far I've come; reminding me how far I can yet go. It is hard to love yourself. It is hard to set down the critic's glasses and to appreciate yourself and your body, and if a hashtag helps with that? Post the dang tag!
"This silly hashtag became a sort of mantra for me - reminding me of my capabilities; reminding me to appreciate how far I've come; reminding me how far I can yet go."
As a young lady I fell into the trap that my society had helped set for me. I felt helpless and tried to "clutch at the mountain" in the way that seemed supported by media and my surroundings, and I realized my mistake but had to fight hard to come back from it. And though some may look at me and think I am skinny and unfit for the hashtag I use, they are judging without knowing the full story. I know my full story. You know yours. And there is no shame in broadcasting yourself as you are. People won't always get it. They may miss it entirely. But that is not the point. The point is for you to know yourself and take pride in whatever progress you have made. As Rupi Kaur puts it (in her book Milk & Honey) :
“your art is not about how many people like your work your art is about if your heart likes your work if your soul likes your work it's about how honest you are with yourself and you must never trade honesty for relatability”
Substitute "art/work" with "self" or "offerings" and you get the message of this blog. The moral of this story is to be honest. With yourself, first, and then with others. Don't edit yourself or refrain from saying something because "they wouldn't understand". Be unappologetic. Own yourself. Tell your truth. And use whatever hashtags you see fit in the process ;)
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